So off I went (in a snowstorm no less) to get my underarm and bikini hair zapped. Located at 34th street in the office side of the Hotel New Yorker, it’s not the sexiest location, but don’t let that fool you. After wandering around the labyrinth of hallways on the 8th floor (what can I say, I get confused in corporate buildings), I emerged into Satori greeted by peaceful music, a serene ambiance and the lovely receptionist Genevieve (amaze hair, btw). After filling out some quick paperwork I met my laser technician Mimi (who also owns the spa) whom I followed back to a spacious, impeccable treatment room. Being a ridiculously crazy OCD germaphobe (just ask my roommates), when I say impeccable, I mean impeccable.

Mimi was very thorough with exactly how the treatment would work and how many times I would need to come in – 1 treatment a month for 7-8 months. Luckily since I have fair skin and dark hair (well, naturally anyways), I’m a perfect candidate. The laser works by detecting pigment differentiation in the skin, so the treatment works best on people with fair skin and dark hair – and vice versa. The darker your skin is and the darker your hair is, or the fairer your skin and the lighter your hair is, well, you’re shit out of luck. You can still opt for treatment, however you will have to go in more times than an “ideal” candidate, and the results will be less effective. Basically, learn to love your razor.

Anyways, back to me. I peeled my shirt off, dropped trou, and assumed the position – flat on yer back – on the table. (Don’t worry, underthings stay on.)

Having received a one-time underarm treatment a year ago at a laser spa (whose name shall remain nameless…mostly because, I can’t remember the name), that quite frankly hurt like a BITCH, I was understandably a little anxious. Thank god for that leftover Vicodin from the nose job.

Satori uses the Candela GentleLASE laser, which shoots out a cooling gel seconds before the laser pulse hits. Ladies, after having tried this with and without the cooling gel, MAKE SURE YOU’RE USING A LASER THAT HAS THE COOLING GEL. Trust me, it’s for your own good.

Now don’t get me wrong. Laser still isn’t all roses and cupcakes. Some parts of the body hurt more than others, and you just have to deal with it. Thankfully, Mimi’s my kind of girl – she doesn’t bullshit. When she would get to a sensitive spot on the underarm or bikini, she would warn me. “Now this one’s going to hurt.” Great. Many people say laser feels like a rubber band snapping against your skin. I say more like a hot needle jabbing into you, but it’s all semantics. Pain-wise it’s certainly not any more painful than a wax. And at least you have the peace of mind knowing you’re not going to have to repeat this every 4-6 weeks for the rest of your life. During the painful ones, you just grin and bear it (read: grimace and sink your nails into the side of the table), and tell yourself “It’s permanent, it’s permanent, it’s permanent.” Well, permanent after 7 more sessions anyways.

The good news is, each subsequent session hurts less and less – because there’s less and less hair to zap. Something to look forward to.

Underarms weren’t so bad. There were a few sensitive spots, and the burning smell was kind of gross (the laser is, after all, severing off the root of your hair via burning it), but again, the thought of never having to shave again? I’ll deal.

Bikini definitely hurt (a lot) more. The outer bikini area was fine. The closer the laser got to Brazil itself, the more painful it got. Yowsa is an understatement.

While in the thick of it I thought to myself “I can’t believe women torture themselves like this all to look like hairless Chihuahuas,” as soon as I got home I couldn’t wait to go back from my next treatment. The thought of never having to shave again is just too enticing to not deal with 30 minutes of rubber band snapping.

Interesting fact from Mimi: If the laser isn’t hurting at all, either you’re doped up on horse tranquilizers or the technician doesn’t have it on a high enough setting. Why would they do this? To get you in for more treatments of course – and to get more of your $$. While laser shouldn’t be unbearable, a sign of slight pain is a sign it’s working.
I was a little red immediately post-treatment, which subsided by the next day. Mimi told me it would be about 7-10 days before I would start seeing results, as you have to wait for your hair to grow back in before it will literally fall right out. So why all the treatments? The laser can only zap so much at one time. You have to go in for multiple treatments to make sure the laser has gotten each and every last, persistent, heinous, mother f&@#%*@ hair follicle.

Within a week I noticed results on my underarms, two weeks for bikini. I literally have not shaved my pits in over a week and there is not a hair to be found. Bikini has some strays, but they better enjoy their presence now. Next week I go in for my 2nd treatment where they are about to be zapped from existence. Can’t wait!!

Want in on the game? Let me tell you three things I really, really like about Satori.

The first is they are actually affordable. Yes, this means you can achieve pre-pubescent status without any hinderance to your crack shoe shopping addiction. Underarms starts at just $40 per visit; bikini at just $45. (To put things in perspective, that’s approximately 2 cab rides from uptown to downtown, 2 manicures at Pinky, 9 grande Cappucinno’s at Starbuck’s, and 8 cupcakes at Crumbs – approximations, people.)

The second is they are honest. They will not bullshit you. When you first arrive for your consult Satori will tell you how many treatments you’ll need and quote you a package. If it turns out you need more, you’ll get treated at no additional charge. Finally, they give 15% of each and every sale to charity. In an age where it’s all money, money, money for me, that’s truly amazing. So while you’re laying there gritting your teeth while the laser creeps closer and closer to your cookie, you can feel good about yourself for indirectly donating money to Doctors Without Borders, The Breast Cancer Research Foundation, Gay Men’s Health Crises, ASPCA, and more.

My verdict?

AMAZEBALLS.

One of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. Although next time I’m popping two Vicodin + taking a shot before going in.

Happy zapping,

L

Source: http://glamourcow.com/2010/04/laser-diaries-bald-eagle-here-i-come.html